god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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