Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
