He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
