the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
