Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
