if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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