He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
