At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Mom said you looked used
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
there is glitter all over my balls
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
