Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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