know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
