Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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