We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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