i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
