My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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