we have officially lost it.
My liver just broke up with me...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
