i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
