You just made me feel so damn special
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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