Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
