She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
