Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
