oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
