this just has baby written all over it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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