Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
