where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
