I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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