apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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