just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
