Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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