My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
