he was CRYING into my vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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