I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
