Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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