Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
