so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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