oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
