Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
