i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
