aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
