my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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