I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
