i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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