he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
