he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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