You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
