At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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