If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well you can't waste a boner
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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