If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
