Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
