chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
