Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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