It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
