im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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