it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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