Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
