i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
