and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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