I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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