hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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